i have been thinking of us.
what we want.
what we don't want.
our present lives.
the sacrifices that you have made.
the ones you continue to make.
the lifestyle we want to lead.
the people we want to be.
the couple we want to be.
how far we have come.
our future kids. (way way way future)
what we want to be able to give them.
our future home.
where, what, when.
all of the things that make up our lives.
i have been thinking of me.
what i want from this thing called life.
what i have given up.
what i have gained.
what i have been blessed with.
what i need to give to my husband.
what i need to give to my children.
the sacrifices that i need to make.
the ones that i haven't made.
the person that i want to be.
the person that i used to be.
the progress that has been made through the Man.
my family and their thoughts about me and where i am going.
my friends and where their lives are.
the things that i am not willing to compromise.
the desires of my heart.
the hard work that i have done.
the feelings of embarassment and disappointment because of a choice.
letting go of the negative feelings and listening to the One who knows it all.
lots and lots of soul searching.
I have been thinking of HIM.
the one who already knows the end from the beginning.
the one who knows my heart.
the one who gave it all for me to be free.
the one who knows which doors need to be closed.
unlocking the ones that need to be opened.
knocking at the ones that i must open.
praying for His guidance.
trying to be sensitive to His voice.
praying that He leads my husband.
praying that He speaks to those around me.
praying that they give sound, Godly advice.
praying that He helps me to understand.
not to question.
to embrace His word and His commands.
to let go and let Him work.
to not step outside His will again.
to make Him happy.
to please Him.
to make Him smile.
not to doubt Him.
to remember He sometimes waits till the last minute just to see if we will trust.
to learn the lesson that He is teaching.
to let Him mold me with His hands.
remembering that He is the peace in the middle of the storm.
that everything has a purpose in my life.
that He wouldn't have done it unless He wanted me to learn something.
that if it is His direction there will be a way.
there will be peace.
praising Him for what has done.
praising Him for what He has given.
who He has given.
i can't quite figure it all out.
i am trying.
i know that there is a shift in my life right now.
that this is an amazing season to be embraced.
that i will trust God and know that He has it figured out.
i don't need to be worried about anything.
He holds the key.
realizing that i have a lot to be proud of.
i have achieved a lot.
i have reached for my dreams.
i have many more dreams to reach for.
knowing that shane and i both have to make sacrifices for this to work.
knowing that i need to make more sacrifices.
knowing that shane has been so selfless and so giving and so loving.
knowing that now, at this point, i have to make choices and decisions.
i cannot run from them.
they have to be based on God and what He wants.
no one else.
life is so good.
it will only get better.
it feels good to know that i am growing.
to know that this is a time for change and growth.
to know that i will succeed.
i will do what is best for my husband, my future family, myself.
i will remember that He is right on the side of me.
all i have to do is reach for His hand.
...just a little peace of my heart today.